no method to the madness // riyuji @ dw

» 052; 2018 lists

2018-07-03T06:34:20Z

( hey look ma, i made it )

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» 051; 2017 lists

2017-01-01T07:42:55Z

( attitude, I'm givin' it back )

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» 050; freedom, I'm takin' it back

2017-01-01T07:41:25Z

Let's try it again this year. Goals for the year.

[X] Get through a project as prod in one piece.
[ ] Save for 2018 SDCC.
[ ] Buy a new desk.
[ ] Buy an entertainment table.
[ ] Build a computer rig.
[ ] Fix room.
[ ] Journal when I can.
[ ] Keep writing.
[X] DM a D&D campaign
[ ] Read 12 books. (If 12 is accomplished, aim for 20)
[ ] Watch 52 movies I've never watched before.
[ ] RP when I can.

To be appended throughout 2017 should any more opportunities arise.

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» 049; 2016 lists

2016-01-01T04:13:43Z

( testing, testing, I'm just suggesting )

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» 048; take heart, this world is ours

2016-01-01T04:10:22Z

Let's try it again this year. Goals for the year.

[x] Make steps towards advancing at job.
[x] Continue rebuilding gaming collection.
[ ] Save for 2017 SDCC.
[x] Buy a PS4.
[ ] Buy a desktop.
[ ] Try getting into toy photography.
[ ] Journal more. (3 times a week minimum)
[x] Write. Just really write.
[ ] Read 12 books. (If 12 is accomplished, aim for 20)
[x] Watch 52 movies I've never watched before.
[ ] RP a bit more. You're getting there.

To be appended throughout 2016 should any more opportunities arise.

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» 047; 2015 lists

2015-01-01T04:00:10Z

( just busy earnin', can't get enough )

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» 046; I thought we were so unstoppable

2015-01-01T03:34:42Z

Best way to start the new year? New goals.

[X] Advance a level at job.
[X] Continue rebuilding gaming collection.
[ ] Save for 2016 SDCC.
[X] Buy a handheld. Maybe. (Two were bought)
[ ] Journal more. (3 times a week minimum)
[ ] Don't stunt your writing. Just write more.
[ ] Read 12 books. (If 12 is accomplished, aim for 20)
[X] Watch 52 movies I've never watched before.
[X] Give RP one last shot
[ ] Try to adhere to the Happiness Advantage. (See TED Talks: Shawn Achor)

To be appended throughout 2015 should any more opportunities arise.

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» 045; so I tell myself to be strong

2014-05-09T15:51:59Z

In the short time I've been employed, I've grown to be very thankful for having been chosen among the many applicants for the job. The other trainees and I are constantly reminded that the company has a tough screening process so being there now is quite an achievement. They have a firm belief that hiring the wrong person could cost them big time and even after that person separates from them, a scar of their presence will remain, and they don't want that. They hired us because they didn't feel that way about the four of us.

I always try to keep that in mind because damn, who would've thought? This is my first real job and I landed myself doing something that I truly enjoy, something that I see myself being a part of for a long, long time. It's really a dream come true.

There's just so many things about that place that make me appreciate them more each day. The atmosphere is lax but disciplined, the other employees are dedicated to their craft, and those who are higher up are down to earth. It's not something you hear or see everyday.

I was only supposed to be there for a month but in the almost three weeks I've been around, I've been reassured that they will be keeping me on, and despite the jokes from the team I work with, they don't seem to want to let me go either. While I have never really been one to need the validation of others to be happy about myself, hearing they wanted me to stay made me feel good. What I've contributed in my work and in my interests have made an impression on them somehow and the feeling is just amazing.

There's really no putting how I feel about the company into words because... I'll probably end up going on forever. All I can hope for now is that things do work out because I do not want to leave. Not at all.

I'm happy there.

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» 044; to keep my heart beating

2014-03-22T10:32:20Z

"Fight or flight may be a primitive neurological response but that doesn't mean that these are bad options. Sometimes fighting for what we want is the right thing to do. Though often what we are fighting is our own fear; fear of getting hurt or making the same mistakes all over again. But sometimes the wisest thing is to get the hell out of Dodge. Go off own our own. That can be a little scary, not just for us but also for the people we leave behind because odds are they're just not going to understand.

Every now and then, we need to break with the past. Take a leap into uncharted territory. But even if we choose to fly away, well, that doesn't mean that we're never coming back, does it?"

-Daniel Pierce, Perception

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» 43; lost in the abyss

2014-03-01T15:16:50Z

For my reference mostly:

( Writing Advice: by Chuck Palahniuk )

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» 042; 2014 lists

2014-01-10T15:59:27Z

( but I don't want the next best thing )

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» 41; we've come too far to give up who we are

2013-12-20T15:48:57Z

A short list of things I want to accomplish in 2014.

[x] Find a full-time job.
[x] Buy a PS3.
[x] Slowly rebuild gaming collection.
[ ] Journal more. (3 times a week minimum)
[ ] Write more.
[ ] Read 12 books. (If 12 is accomplished, aim for 20)
[x] Watch 52 movies I've never watched before.
[ ] Get better at RP or quit.
[ ] Try to adhere to the Happiness Advantage. (See TED Talks: Shawn Achor)

Should there be any more, I'll update this as 2014 progresses.

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» 040; you're really no good

2013-12-16T10:17:42Z

( the list of too many tv shows )

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» 038; where did the party go

2013-10-08T16:27:02Z

At 9am on September 8, 2013, my family lost our house to a fire.

Yes, that is what caused my sudden disappearance for the last month. It wasn't because of some rash decision to get away from the internet, nor was it because I needed a break from everything. It was because of a tragedy that had taken us all by surprise.

First things first, my entire family is all right and so is our maid and our dogs. Everyone got out of the house before the fire or smoke trapped us in and there were no major injuries sustained from the fire. All our belongings, however, literally went up in smoke.

( Here's the full story: )

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» 037; looks at the rain as it pours

2013-07-17T07:40:13Z

"Freud once said, 'No mortal can keep a secret. His lips are silent but he chatters with his fingertips. Betrayal oozes out of every pore.' I think old Sigmund might have been on to something. Although we may be desperate to keep our secrets, the harder we bury them, the more they rise up to the surface. We are neurologically compelled to confess.

And that's a good thing. Because confession is good for the body, for the brain. Might even be good for the soul if you believe in that sort of thing."

-Daniel Pierce, Perception

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» 035; pick yourself up off of the floor

2013-07-10T11:28:52Z

"What if I told all of you that you're partially blind? That right now you think you're seeing the world as it truly is but in actuality, you're missing something. It's true. See, every time we open our eyes, light shines onto our retina. Nerve cells called photo receptors interpret the light and transmits the information to our brain, and that's how we see. But there's a small area on our retina where there are no photo receptors. This is called a scotoma — or blind spot. We all have one.

So if that's true, how is it that we never notice a black area in our field of vision?

The reason you never notice your blind spot is because your brain is great at guessing what should be there and automatically filling in the blank. Sometimes, we know what we want to see, and our neocortex turns that expectation into a kind of virtual reality. Which means that some of the world we see is just an illusion. A scary thought if you consider how vulnerable that makes us.

So how do we uncover our blind spots? How do we ever fully see the truth that right in front of our eyes? Well, a good place to start is to simply open your mind, because as the French philosopher Henri Bergson says, 'The eyes only see what the mind is prepared to comprehend.'"

-Max Lewicki, Perception

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» 034; drowning out my cries

2013-06-08T08:14:04Z

Never thought I'd have my heart ripped out like that.

And no buttpats, please. I didn't post this asking for any.

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» 032; just overwhelm me

2013-05-26T09:09:43Z

Now that I'm finally free from school, I don't know what to do with myself. Not that it's a bad thing of course. It's just... suddenly I have all the time in the world and there's suddenly so many things that I could do without having to worry about homework, papers, quizzes. Do I want to play video games? Do I want to catch up on my reading and writing? Should I watch a new series? Work on roleplay? I'm not sure.

And yet, while it is overwhelming, I don't want to wind up doing nothing either. My friend had told me that he was the same way when he'd finally finished his thesis. He usually wound up not doing anything fruitful. I'd like to avoid that as much as I can.

I guess it should start with figuring out what I want to do most and going from there.

Also, graduation list is coming out tomorrow. I should check for my name at some point.

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» 031; I'm high above the city

2013-05-19T07:35:07Z

Okay, you know what? This journal needs some happier posts.

In exactly three days time I'm going to be free. Free from my stupid school, free from my summer class, and just... fucking free, man. I've been stuck in the academe for 21 years of my life. Three years of pre-school, seven years of elementary, four years of high school and another seven years of college. It'll be the first time in a damn long time that I wouldn't be studying. I mean, I can't even remember the last time I wasn't in school and it wasn't summer or Christmas break because I was probably 2 or 3 back then.

Just... wow. The thought of it is refreshing. And I'm really excited for it.

Of course, I'd become a N.E.E.T. afterwards but I don't really care right now. I'm not going to hop on the work bandwagon immediately too. I think I deserve a break. Just a little bit because I've been going to college for seven years non-stop. I'd always told my parents that I needed a break but they never allowed me to take one. Now that it's almost over, I will take that break. While I don't have a solid plan just yet, I don't plan on looking for work until July at the earliest. I've been asking around but I haven't made any promises yet and I've yet to add my internship experience to my resume, too, so there's still time to laze a little.

At the same time, I'm really scared of the outcome of this class. I'm not scared of graduating, not in the least. I'm just scared because this is my seventh take for this class and my average is just above passing. I can't slip up on my last exam and the finals coming up. I really can't, especially because this is my last chance. It's really going to be go big or go home at this point. I've studied for it and I will continue studying until the end but there's still that fear, nibbling at me. I'm trying to push it aside and it's working for now. Hopefully it stays that way.

It's so close, guys. So close.

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» 030; for the person I've become

2013-05-13T03:27:12Z

It never stops getting frustrating having to deal with parents who "want you to be independent". Quotation marks because that's really all it is. Something that they say but never really mean. Time and time again, they've told me that they want me to become more independent, that I'm old enough to make my own decisions. Thing is, I never feel that way because I'm seldom given an actual choice.

Take for example, this stupid summer class. They told me in the beginning that hey, we'll let you take the class but you have to be the one to discipline yourself. And I really was planning to. Only to find out that they were taking away my PS3, TV and internet privileges. And that's just the most recent incident that I could think of. Don't doubt for a second that there hasn't been more.

I'm twenty freaking four, parents. I may still be living under your roof but, dear god, please stop treating me like I'm twelve. It's not funny.

It would be nice to actually have a choice for once.

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» 029; I walk alone

2013-02-27T13:28:14Z

Amazing how even at work, I find ways to tell me that I should stop trying. This one sums things up really easily.

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» 027; so light 'em up

2013-02-05T15:39:21Z

The terror of getting things thrown at you doesn't go away. Even when you're older.

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» 026; when I came across this sign

2013-02-02T04:51:11Z

Feel free to disregard if you're not prefacing or lyricized.

( RP goals list )

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» 025; they wait for a negative reaction

2013-01-29T12:33:25Z

I've always had a problem with people and their passive aggressiveness. I fail to understand why they would have to resort to such a method just to provoke some kind of reaction from the other party. Maybe they want anger, maybe they want guilt, maybe they want pity. Regardless of the outcome, I've always felt that it's such an unnecessary thing to do. If you have a problem with them, why not just tell them? They may not appreciate the gesture immediately, but in due time they will. It's so much better than going behind their back and spreading gossip, in the guise of being vague.

This passive aggressive behavior is something that I've been seeing a lot more of lately, and it's never a pretty sight to watch unfold. It feels awful to be on the receiving end and I'm not just saying that. I've been on the receiving end countless times from various people and I constantly wish they would say it to my face instead posting it on some social media website that's open to the public. If it's something between the person and I, it would be nice to at least be respected by keeping the matter between us.

I always try to be an open book to people and I just wish that I was offered the same courtesy, especially from a friend.

I don't know if that's just me being blindly idealistic but I just imagine the world would be a lot less confusing if we stopped hiding behind lies and facades. No matter how protected you may think you are with that wall up, it'll only backfire in the long run.

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» 024; 2013 lists

2013-01-20T15:52:59Z

( but I don't want the next best thing )

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